Yeah, Really.

nolagrrlnyc:

yodelmachine:

sarkastickunt:

http://twtvite.com/snarkevent

GO TO THIS. I PROMISE TO TRY TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU. 

Need. She. Say. More?

Everybody needs to come to this. I’m assured there will be booze. Possibly cake. Definitely good company. Let’s all whoop it up in NYC!! 

Well, Fuck.

Birthday’s aren’t what they used to be. As a kid, you look forward to your special day; cookies and singing at school, cake with lots of candles, presents, having your girl do that *thing* she does with no reciprocation required, and the love of lots of good family and friends.

You get older and some things change. Sure, there’s still cake and candles, but now it’s a work day, and instead of singing there’s meetings and deadlines. Today turned out to be a particularly busy work day, but I was still able to share with my family, both here and out there. Out there, as in youse guys.

The amount of love you guys threw my way today moved me incredibly. I can’t tell you how much you all made my day. It pisses me off we can’t hang on Saturday nights and get drunk, or have dinner, or see a movie together, or just fucking gab about stuff. You guys may all be out there in the Internet, but you’re also in my heart as really good friends. And I thank every single one of you for making this birthday amazing.

And, if anyone’s keeping score, no, nobody did that *thing* that I like so much. I would have even reciprocated. With gusto.

All jokes aside, I really am humbled at the outpouring of birthday wishes today. Between Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter, a good number of you have bade me a happy day. I’m moved and reminded once again of how great it is to know you guys. 

Really, thanks so much. I mean it. 

I’m laying in bed. It’s pitch black, except for the glare of my iPad. I’m catching up on all of the Tumblr shenanigans. There’s some sort of flying insect that seems to be circling my head. It’s attracted by the glare of the iPad. I’m nervously reading each page, knowing any second I’m going to be dive bombed by an insect (I fucking hate insects). My nerves are compounded by the fact that I sleep in the buff, which means if I do get dive bombed, I’m going jump up and run around like a naked idiot swatting at some stupid fly. The prospect of all this happening does not make me happy.

But I do all of this for all of you.

I see posts of people on airplanes and read all this talk of “See ya soon!” and I’m immediately bummed that there’s a meet up that I can’t attend. I’m so bummed, in fact, that I’m going to drown my sorrows on Saturday night. 

So.. Woohoo! drinking this weekend! 

Have fun guys :-)

*sigh* ok, ready?

Manda and Kaila are best friends and they’re just like sisters so when Amanda was dating John (newJERK) she told John (NewJERK) that he was always going to be second to Kaila because they’re sisters and if he wanted to be her boyfriend he was going to have to deal with it and he did because Amanda’s all pretty and stuff but then Amanda got sick of John (NewJERK) and broke up with him so then great Manda and Kaila were sisters and everything’s great but now Kaila found a boyfriend and she promised Amanda that the new boyfriend was going to be second to her but now Kaila is treating the new boyfriend like number one and now Manda doesn’t want to go to the dance because she doesn’t want to be the third wheel and Kaila’s all like whatever now Manda’s in the other room all pissed off after giving her Daddy an ear full.

Get all that?

….aaaand now it works. And I have nothing to say. Terrific. 

Is anyone else having a problem with Twitter today?

My tastes range. I have a type, but I’m willing to forgo type to satiate real or imagined lust. This week I’m all about hot intellectual smartasses.

Now I just have to figure out if the lust is real or imagined. Then we’ll go from there.

…said it before and I’ll say it again:

I fucking love you guys, and will happily stick with you all ‘till the bitter end.

It really burns my ass when I get unfollowed on Twitter by someone who’s been following me from the very beginning, when the only thing that’s changed is their follower count. I haven’t changed my style of humor to knock knock jokes.

I’m psyched that you’ve become a twitter superstar, really I am. However, sometimes I feel like an agent who’s client drops him when they hit the big time.

I wonder if @broadwaydannyrose is taken…

I’m notorious for being all gung ho about something and then forgetting all about it. I’m currently in the forgetting all about it stage of eating right and working out. As a result, I feel fat and tired all of the time. I have to psyche myself up again, which sucks. 

For reasons too complex to get into right now, I ended a relationship with a woman almost ten years ago who proved to me that soul mates do exist. I often wonder if I’ll ever be that in love with someone again. I often doubt it.

I’m afraid I’m turning into my father. Or, at least, a typical father. I’m not too keen on the way my teenage son is living is life. Oh, he’s generally a good kid, and I love him like crazy. However, like most teenage boys, his head’s in the clouds and he has no concept of what he’s gonna do with his life. Neither did I at his age, but I was working, driving, and not playing video games all the time. 

Re-reading the passage about my son, I admit that I actually don’t want any kids on my lawn. At least without permission. 

A good friend of mine is in New York this week from Colorado on business. It was a great opportunity for the two of us to get together. He showed up on my doorstep on Saturday afternoon and didn’t leave until around 1:00 AM. We had a great time. We drank, talked, smoked, and played guitar. We even played Guitar Hero with my son and helped my daughter with a school project. It was amazing to see him considering that we haven’t seen one another in over ten years. Alex is one of my best friends, which means he’s another good dude that moved away.

I know a fair number of people. A few of these people I consider good friends. However, over the course of the last 20 years or so, all of my very best friends have moved away. Every single one. Two of them moved to Florida. One moved to Colorado. Hell, one even lives in Australia. These were, and still are, my very best friends. Thanks to the Internet and airplanes, we all keep in touch with one another. I suppose I’m lucky that after all these years we’re still pretty tight. Still, I’m at a point right now where I don’t have a best bud that I can meet at the bar and shoot pool, or go to a concert with, or just get drunk with and do guy stuff. Because I’m busy with work, fam and life in general, it’s tough to cultivate friendships.

This is probably why I dig you guys so much. It blows that we can’t all hang out on a semi-regular basis, but it is pretty cool that we all keep in touch nonetheless. Tell you what, I really need to hit a tweet up one of these days. I realized this weekend that it’s cool to keep in touch, but nothing beats face to face communication with people that you enjoy.

Slept in this morning. I just woke up after having the strangest dream ever. I don’t think I could describe it in its entirety, but I do know that it contained the following elements:

• Chinese food
• Bender the Robot from Futurama
• An Airport (Tampa, I think)
• Rediscoverme (Sorry Liza, not sure what you were doing there)

Which one of you guys slipped me something?

Cara, great story. I was cracking up on my commute home tonight. Your nephew sounds awesome! what had me really going was the possibility of all the “upinya” jokes. You’re going to have to share some of those when he starts rocking them.

Also, as I knew I would be, I was absolutely rewarded with the sound of your laughter. The one thing that bugs me about my Tumblr buds is that many of us are too far away to hang out and share some of this stuff in person. You’re the best; thanks for the message!

I’m on edge with this Chilean miner story, and I’m close to tears. The entire story is just fucking remarkable and is an amazing testament to the human spirit. I’m so moved by their will to live and how the world is coming together to save them.

ME: Yo, what’s up, Braveheart?

JAMES: Braveheart?

ME: Yeah.. the way you tied your hoodie around your waist, you look like you’re wearing a kilt.

JAMES: Kilty as charged.

ME: Nice.

Last night I was invited to a Snuggie Sutra event. “But Patrick”, you ask. “How did you get invited to such an exclusive event? and what the hell is a Snuggie Sutra?”

Well, I’ll tell you.

When I first started experimenting with Twitter over a year ago, I was lucky enough to befriend Lex Friedman (@lexfri). We’re both not sure how it it all began; I think he wrote something funny for Cracked.com and I said hello, or he replied to one of my (obviously) funny tweets. In any case, we chatted, and it turns out that he is a professional humor writer and all around good guy. Since that meeting we’ve kept in touch via Twitter, reaching out to congratulate one another on the occasional epic tweet.

Lex has since co-authored a book called (wait for it..) The Snuggie Sutra. I’ll leave it to you to click on the above link to see what it’s all about. Suffice it to say, it’s hilarious and I highly recommend it. In any case, Lex invited me to a bar in NYC to come to a Snuggie Sutra event. How could I turn that down?

Unfortunately I couldn’t stay long, but I was able to meet him in person, and more importantly, get him to buy me a beer. It was very cool to meet the man in person. As it turns out, it was a first unofficial tweetup for the both of us. We chatted for a bit, he signed my book, and I disappeared into the night. It was all around a very cool experience. My only regrets are that I didn’t get to meet the books co-author, Megan Morrison, and that I couldn’t stay longer.

Anyway, good to meet you, Lex. People, go get the book. It really is funny.

The MTA is charging so much money for metro cards that each NYC subway line should have concierge service and reserved seating.

Metro Card fare is now more expensive than ever. New York City has just become an exclusive club with a ridiculously high cover.

The MTA is now charging the homeless a by the hour “Hotel” fee when found sleeping.

The MTA has decided to drop a proposed Subway Simulator when MTA scientists could not faithfully recreate an authentic subway smell. 

Users will be encouraged to refill their metro cards instead of getting a new one every month by embossing the letters “Property of the MTA” in gold inlay on each card.

To increase revenue, the MTA will require each subway panhandler to be licensed and pay a monthly begging fee. 

All subway musicians must be required to record exclusively with the newly created “MTA Music” label. 

I Fucking love you guys.

I also just wrote this in bed.

Can anyone catch the subliminal message I threw in there? Yup. I said it.

Sometimes I think I’m one lame post away from being completely ostracized.

Cherilyn!

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

You’re one of the first people that I met here. I’ve loved you from afar for like what.. a year? two? eh, who cares. Your posts make me smile, and yes, sometimes blush. It’s is sort of late to be wishing you a great day, but I guess have a great night. Get laid or something. Happy Birthday! I love you :-)

Patrick

Continued from this morning…

• Completed most of the painting
• Shopped for groceries
• Grilled a sirloin steak and baked a potato

I’m now beat and relaxing in my recliner. Soon I will watch Iron Man 2. There’s only one more thing that I could do that would make this day complete.

Yes. That.

• Painting the inside of my house.
• Changing the outdoor floodlights on top of the house.
• Eating an omelette created by these two paint splattered hands.

I am all that is man.