March 2011
48 posts
Heytell is badass.
I’m varaspj@gmail.com.
February 2011
45 posts
Spilling blueberry yogurt on my white shirt at the office was no mistake. Just when they begin to expect very little of me, BOOM! I’ll dazzle them with a blast of competence that will knock their socks off.
Thank You, Charlie Sheen
…for making my problems seem almost quaint next to yours.
Favorite Deadwood Quotes
“Cocksucker!” - Al Swearengen
“COCK-SUKUH!” - Mr. Wu
“Cocksucker!” - Charlie Udder
“Cocksucker!” - Calamity Jane
*through gritted teeth* “Cocksucker” - Seth Bullock
“Cocksucker” - Trixie the Whore
“Cocksucker” - Dan Dority
“Cocksucker” - Doc Cochran
“Gratis” - A.W. Merrick
...
Ending the week on a positive note
The week was not horrible, but I’m not exactly pulling a Lord of the Dance either. Went underground for a few days, no chatting, texting, tweeting or Tumbling. However, it’s the end of the week. I had some Chinese with the fam tonight. I’m currently in my favorite recliner, drinking fruit juice in a glass full of ice. I’m on my third episode of Deadwood. I’m texting...
Truthful Tuesday Part Duex
Yes, my underwear was in my bag, and no, I didn’t make a boo boo in them.
Saw the Doc regarding my nosebleeds. Got some unexpectedly bad news that has me kind of freaked out.
Said news from Doc will require some lifestyle changes that I’m not sure where to begin. I’m bummed about this.
I had such a good time at SNARK that makes me want to hit all of the tweetups to meet more...
Truthful Tuesday
My underwear is in my backpack.
Dad Spam
My Father usually spams me with all sorts of right wing wacko propaganda and jokes that would make a 70 year old guy laugh. Normally it’s pretty out there, but this one cracked me up. Supposedly, these are questions and the unscripted answers taken from the glory days of the Hollywood Squares gameshow. Some of these are admittedly dated, but some were surprisingly topical:
Q.. Paul, what is...
Truthful Tuesday Part II - TMI Edition
I’ve had issues with nosebleeds my entire life. The cure is to go to an Ear, Nose and Throat guy to have my nose cauterized, a pleasant process in which blood vessels in my nose are burned shut. Normally, once this is done, it fixes the bleeds for years.
However, the bleeds have returned. For the past month, I’ve averaged two or three nosebleeds a week. The bleeds usually last for...
Truthful Tuesday
I’d love to be the same person to everyone I meet, and not have to always show my good / cool / funny / normal side all the time.
That being said, I really like having a friend who knows everything about me, warts and all, and I like being able to tell her everything.
CHSH
Found flights out of my local airport that will allow me to swoop in on Saturday afternoon, party down, then fly home on Sunday, allowing me to spend the night partying like a rock star.
Unfortunately I found out that I need to work on that Saturday. If I can get out of it I’m there.
Top 10 reasons why this Valentines day rocks as of...
10. Woke up this morning without a stiff neck.
9. Shared a seat with a lovely young woman on the train.
8. Woke up from a nap on the train next to said woman; realized I didn’t snore.
7. Project’s falling into place at the office. Happy co-worker. Happy, happy.
6. Said the word “fuck” to a co-worker; she took it in a completely different context than I said it, then...
I’m watching the Star Trek marathon on SyFy (ugh) instead of the Grammy’s, because if I’m going to watch a frightening, oddly dressed woman with delusions of grandeur I’d rather see the Borg Queen than Lady Gaga.
Office Frolicks
ME: Dude, is that you? (reacting to a loud, obviously mechanical whirring coming from his desk)
CO-WORKER: No, it’s my computer.
ME: !
CO-WORKER: Ow. (reacting to a paperclip i just winged at his head)
Dear Cablevision
kiss my ass.
Thanks,
Patrick
My dashboard looks like an online catalog that Dr. Frankenstein might peruse.
Interesting meme today.
(yup, I got a pic in the can that’s ready to post)
EDIT - Holy shit, this is my 500th post. And I wasted it with this lame shit.
I need a shot of reality
…with a “seriously, dude?!” chaser.
The most boring middle name ever.. but with a...
My middle name is John. That makes me Patrick John.
My father’s name is John. In fact, all of the men’s names in my family are some variation of John:
Johnny
Edmund John
Robert John
Patrick John
I was the first son to have a son. When it came time to name him, it was up to me to either keep the John name tradition alive or kill it. After careful consideration, I finally came up...
Morning Routine
1. Begin the day with naked aggression by smacking the snooze button no less than 3 times.
2. Rip covers off of bed, take chilly walk to bathroom.
3. Pee. Curse my full bladder as it’s actually the real reason I got out of bed.
4. Shower.
5. Shave.
6. Mondays and Thursdays - Trim beard.
7. Dress.
8. Finish my hair.
9. Moisturize my face.
10. Grab my bag, jump in car, drive to train...
I snoozed. I loozed.
*sigh*
Really, anonymous follower? I was one more follower away from hitting a nice round number, and you up and split like that? ok, admittedly, that last GPOY wasn’t great, but it couldn’t have been THAT bad.
Truthful Tuesday
The top drawer of my office desk is a visual representation of all my fears and phobias. It’s filled to the top with the following items:
About 10 or so boxes of Tic Tacs - Fear of having bad breath
About 100 napkins - Fear of having food on my face
Toothbrush, Toothpaste and Mouthwash - Fear of my teeth falling out; being seen with food in my teeth*
Deodorant - Fear of being smelly
...
Looking for the Happy Carrot Health Food...
When hunger struck this afternoon, I pondered my choices. There is a veritable buffet waiting for me on Broadway; from Deli’s, to Asian and Italian; I think there’s even an Ethiopian joint around here somewhere. Then I was reminded (possibly by either my put upon gastrointestinal system or my general look of bloat, not sure), that I ate nothing but crap this weekend. Since Friday...
2 tags
This has been, without a doubt, one of the most enjoyable Superbowls I have ever experienced.
Any food that comes with microwave instructions should also come with an apology. And directions to the nearest gymnasium.
It's been almost exactly a week to the hour.
..and I need it again. NEED it.
Stripper Name meme
Putcherfukin Clothesbakon
Today's Soundtrack
The Crystal Method
Infected Mushroom
Underworld
With this audio rocket fuel, my workday should go by in an instant. Hopefully.
Parenthood needs...
A heart full of love.
The patience of a saint.
The training of a doctor.
Wisdom.
The strength to one day let go.
Also…
Hot tea to restore your voice when you lose it from yelling at them.
Band Aids for your knuckles when you punch the wall after they roll their eyes at you.
The number of a good shrink.
A place to go to cool down after your heart almost explodes from anger at them.
...
1 tag
With love to bestgirlbetty...
Ficken
Nique Ta
Vattanculo
Puta
Pojeb Sa!
Fage
Sha
Dorme Mecum
FUCK CANCER.
