Yeah, Really.

My Truthful Tuesday post is that I’m kind of tired and boring and have nothing really interesting to be truthful about in the past week or so. I also realized today that I can be sort of an asshole on occasion. 

So yeah, Anon is on. Don’t like me? let me know. Think I’m an asshole? tell me. Hate the way my face looks? let’s talk about it. 

Of course, this goes both ways. Wanna bang me? I wanna know. Think I’m good looking? feed my ego. Have sick dreams about me? let me heal your sickness. 

…fuck yeah. 

I feel like I’m missing out on the community experience by not watching the VMA’s. Still, Staying Alive with John Travolta is on Netflix and it’s not gonna watch itself. 

So almost two years ago I decided to get my HAM radio license. It’s not like I have a burning desire to talk to a bunch of strangers (although with my involvement with Tumblr, you’d never guess), but I just like to learn new things, and yes, I was digging the whole nerdy and technical aspects of it. So I studied for a couple of weeks, took the test, and now am the proud owner of an FCC radio license. 

So I bought a radio that does a bunch of cool shit, and reached out to people, and yeah.. I realized that I wasn’t so into randomly reaching out to strangers and shooting the shit. So there it sat. However, still wanting to learn and do stuff with my new license, I decided to take classes and become a certified weather spotter. I’m registered with NYS SKYWARN and can officially use my HAM radio to help in emergencies. Of course, in the past year or so, there have been no severe emergencies, so my cool radio and meteorological skills sat useless. 

Until today! I’m currently logged into a HAM radio net as a disaster communications volunteer.  My area is in the path of Irene, and I have a handheld, weatherprooof radio, so when the worst comes, if all communications go down and an emergency communications channel needs to be opened up, or relief efforts need to be coordinated, I’ll be a part of it.

Nerdy? absolutely. Cool as shit? sure.  :-)

I’m heading out of the city until I can return, maybe Monday, Possibly Tuesday. 

Seriously, for you guys stuck in the city or forced to evacuate, be careful. Hopefully this will be nothing more than a fun stormy weekend to ride out. 

STAY SAFE!

Today, many of you are either traveling to Chicago, or enjoying your first day there. I, on the other hand, am blazing through work, looking to leave the office early so that I can get home to hurricane proof my home. 

Tomorrow afternoon, many of you will spend the day meeting each other, some being old friends, some new. You will be sightseeing, having lunch, and dolling yourself up for the big meetup. I will be gassing up my cars, scouring every store within a 20 mile radius for water and batteries, and making last minute preparations for the storm. 

Tomorrow night, you’ll all be whooping it up together. I’ll be at home with the fam, watching the rain and wind begin, drinking, and checking out Tumblr occasionally to see how much fun you guys are having. 

Sunday afternoon you guys will be having lunch together, saying your goodbyes and (attempting) to travel home. I’ll be riding out the worst of the storm, checking for leaks, hoping my roof doesn’t fly off, and drinking. 

So, it goes without say that you guys have the better deal. However, I hope you all have an amazing time together, and be sure to post lots of pictures! I’ll be thinking of you all, especially if I lose power and am forced to drink in the dark. 

In order to cheer you up, I hear by promise you that this weekend, I will send you a chapter out of the sordid life of Old Lady and Randall.

Their love is timeless, and toothless.Their hunger for each other goes way past the 3:00 PM dinner special at Denny’s. They would cross the nation for one another, using the Greyhound senior discount. Theirs is a passion for the ages. The old ages. 

This is yours this weekend ;-)

ME: So, uh, is this building safe now?

HARD HAT: *shrugs* Fuck if I know.. I didn’t build this one. 

Spiders. 

And to all the spiders that may be reading this right now?

Fuck you, Spiders. 

No.. wait.. I’m sorry. Please don’t come to my house and sit on my face while I sleep. PLEASE?!? I”M SORRY!!

My desk at work is a disgusting science experiment riddled with papers, dust, coffe stains, soy sauce stains and some sort of spooge on my monitors that refuses to come off. 

They say that a messy desk is a sign of genius. No, it’s not. It’s the sign of a lazy dude who’d rather spend a his free few minutes seeing what you guys are up to rather than clean his desk, a desk that probably houses strains of bacteria so vile that even science wants nothing to do with. 

Ick.

I set up Airplay on my Apple TV and checked out some of the pictures I have on my iPhone. Many of these are self shot GPOYW type pictures. This made me realized two things:

One, I have way too many of these types of shots, and two, some pictures have no business being viewed on a 65” television. 

No business at all. 

Guy comes home from work. As he pulls into his driveway, he notices a gorilla sitting on his roof. Perplexed, he goes in the house and pulls out the yellow pages. He’s startled to find a listing for Gorilla Removal. He calls the number, tells the guy on the other line his problem. Guy says he’ll be right over.

20 minutes later a van with the words “Gorilla Removal” on the side parks in front of his house. The guy gets out of the van, goes to the back, opens the doors and begins to pull out an array of items:

• A ladder
• A pole
• A banana
• A chihuahua
• Handcuffs
• A handgun

The homeowner sees all of this and is baffled. He walks up to the gorilla removal guys and says “Excuse me, I’m curious. What do you do with all of this stuff?”

The guy says “Sure. First, I put the ladder on the side of the house. Once I’m on the house, I throw the banana at the gorilla. As he goes to grab it I use the pole to knock him off the roof. When he’s on the ground, the chihuahua runs over to him and bites him in the nuts. When the gorilla crosses his hands to stop the biting, I slap the cuffs on him and haul him away”. 

The homeowner thinks about this for a second, then asks “But what do you do with the handgun?”

The guys says, “Well, sometimes the gorilla knocks me off of the roof. In that case, I shoot the chihuahua.”

I’m currently reading a book about the real life forensic anthropologist who created the “body farm”, a research facility that studies the physical changes that the human body goes through after death. This book is part biography, part detective story, and part horror show. It’s a pretty icky subject. And I find this to be absolutely fascinating, so much so that I think I missed my true calling. Being a real life CSI person, doing this type of detective work sounds a lot more exciting than sitting in front of a computer all day. 

Sometimes I re-read my posts and the messages I send to you guys and wonder if I come off a bit creepy/stalkerish/needy/narcissistic/ and wonder if I should lay low and not post for a while. 

This is a bit difficult as I’m trying to be as vague as possible. You’ll probably figure out if I’m talking about you..

• I had fun. I really wanted to do it again, but I don’t think you felt the same as I did.
• We’ll always have NYC. Some museums are more interesting that others.
• You seem like such a cool woman. I’m bummed we haven’t met yet. 
• I respect the shit out of you for what you’ve done. You inspire me.
• I so badly want to send you a gift certificate, or a reservation, or something you and your family would enjoy, but I know you wouldn’t take it. 
• I just started watching this season of Hell’s Kitchen and it makes me think of you. 
• I would do anything to see you naked. 
• I love your AVI.
• Your wit and brilliant writing are fantastic. I’m so glad I just started following you. 

That’s probably enough..

thatchris:

marscapone:

writeoneleaf:

^pages about + ^ask + ^random + ^facebook + ^twitter  | ^{sponsors You Are a Dog [kindle]}

I would, but that a matter of national security.

Some things in this post don’t react well to bullets.

When I was young, my mother once told me that her and my father used to drive to the beach at night to watch the submarine races. It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out that they were not watching submarines race; that they were, in fact, screwing.  

Bite me, Submarines. 

Drunk dialing may commence shortly. You’ve all been warned.

*Deep Breath through my nose* 

New shirt smell. 

I haz it. 

I’m not too keen on talking about myself, but I am keen on Cherilyn. So here goes. 

• I work really hard to give my kids everything that I never had, and more. And I’m succeeding.
• I try to make everyone around me happy and comfortable.
• I’m funny (so I’ve been told)
• I’d do anything for my friends. 
• I love doing things to make I love people happy. Surprising you with that thing you wanted? washing and gassing your car while you nap? Dinner? anything.
• I love going downtown. *wink*
• I’m determined. It took me years of night school, many sleepless nights, and juggling a family, full time job, but I earned my College Degree in my 30’s. 
• I make a decent living at a job I am 90% self taught. 
• I’m sort of a nerd and totally dig it. I love Star Trek, Star Wars, Cheesy Sci Fi and the like. And I’m proud of it.
• I’m curious and love to learn. I eat up documentaries and books on subjects I know nothing about.

There may be more, but, eh..

Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. I really do.

But sometimes it’s all too much. The four hour commute, the deadlines, the pressure, etc. I sometimes think about my career related strengths and weaknesses, my desires, and what would be the perfect job for me. I’d have to be able to work from home, set my own hours, use my skill sets to their utmost potential, and not have to dress up every day. There does seem to be a few careers that would fit, however, like any job, there are pros and cons. 

JOB: WRITER

PROS - Set my own hours, write when I want, be a semi-celebrity

CONS - Black turtlenecks and tweed coats wouldn’t be a good look for me

JOB: PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE (GOLF)

PROS - Travel the world, making a living at something I love to do

CONS - Having the National Enquirer up my ass every time I bang a waitress

JOB: ROCK STAR

PROS - Travel the world, playing my music to adoring fans

CONS - With my addictive personality, I wouldn’t last a year

JOB: MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY

PROS - Never have to work, spend my nights playing and days sleeping

CONS - See ROCK STAR

JOB: ZOMBIE HUNTER

PROS - Riding around in the back of a pickup, drinking beer and shooting Zombies

CONS - I’m not really a “gun” person, getting eaten.

You know, I actually kinda like computers and the work that I do now. Maybe I’ll just stay here. Who knows, maybe I can get a set day to work from home each week. 

jewles:

groverviolet replied to your photo: Truthful Tuesday: My hair looks like this every….

Have you ever died it red and dressed up as Heat Miser for Halloween?

No, but now I want to! :)

For those of you FETUSES who follow me who were born after about 1985 or so, this is the dude to whom he is referring—from the spectacular holiday movie “Year Without A Santa Claus”

Yeah.. um.. I may or may not have the Heatmiser song on my ipod right now. I guess that makes me older than a fetus. And lame. 

Someone in the office said the word “Phenomenal” and now I can’t get the Manah Manah song out of my head. 

• I didn’t fucking go because the Universe hates me.

• I’m sad because I really wanted to see old friends.

• I’m sad because there are so many of you I wanted to meet.

• While all of the pics on my dashboard are full of awesome, I die a little every time I see one because I should be in some of those pics.

• I’ve received some really nice messages from people checking up on me and telling me that I was missed. That really means a lot to me. 

• As much as I bitch, I’m really psyched for you guys that you all had fun. 

• Even though I couldn’t make it, I want to thank Michele for all of her hard work. The event looked like it was a huge success. 

• NEXT TIME BITCHES, NEXT TIME.

An overzealous doctor sent me to the hospital for tests this morning. I’m currently laying in a bed waiting on test results. If this goes on for another hour or two it may be too late for me to hit the city.

I’m bummed beyond words.

Have a great time tonight, continue on with the shenanigans and boob grabbing, but for Gods Sake.. SAVE SOME FOR TOMORROW NIGHT WHEN I WILL BE THERE!

Thank you

Patrick