Yeah, Really.

As long as you don’t have Facebook and tumblr tied in tumblr and you use different emails for each, you should be fine.

I actually did in the beginning and was horrified when some FB people started poking around my Tumblr. I turned it off, so I’m safe. Twitter and FB are for the masses, but very few people in my real life know about my Tumblr. 

For some reason the big guns are over Grand Central today. Cops in full riot gear holding huge automatic machine guns. I’m used to seeing this, so it was no big deal. However, when I got to the subway, I saw another one of these cops, however, he was in the middle of a big yawn.

It occurred to me that no matter how exciting or adrenaline fueled your job may be, at the end of the day, it’s just a job, and even doing something as exciting as fighting terrorists can be boring and monotonous. 

Also, there’s a sleepy guy with a big gun in the city.  

I’ve recently been compared to both George Costanza and Woody Allen. True, I’m balding, a bit stocky and slightly neurotic. However, I’m also loyal, I question authority and can be sharp witted. 

Perception. It changes everything. 

It’s that I have really good friends here.

Thanks guys. I dig all of your faces as well :-)

• Start moving my office from the dining room back into my office.
• Go to the driving range.
• Clean my fish tank.
• Hike up Mount Beacon, Walk to the River, Ride my Bike or Saunter down Main Street.

So, basically, do anything other than:

• Continue to sit here and Watch Toy Story 2 on the Disney Channel.
• Have another slice of Pizza for Lunch.
• Crack a Beer.
• Log into the office and do some work.
• Masturba…. er.. just sit here.

Things of no small importance that I actually have accomplished today:

• Laundry.
• Showered.
• Masturba.. er.. worked out.
• Teared up during the “When She Loved Me” song while watching Toy Story 2.
• Heated up Pizza for Lunch.
• Woke up.

Things I’ll eventually end up doing because I have to do them:

• Finish the Laundry.
• Clean the Fish Tank.
• Start work on my Office.
• Crack a Beer
• Masturba.. er.. Masturbate.

Once I board the Metro North train in the early evening, I’ll sometimes knock out before the conductor checks my ticket. This is a pain, because I’m then woken up, sometimes rudely, by the conductor. After that I can’t sleep anymore, and I have to find other ways of amusing myself for an hour and forty minutes.

Tonight I did just that. The second the train started moving I was literally rocked to sleep. The next thing I know, I felt a gentle pressing on my shoulder. I looked up, and it was the conductor. With her hand still on my shoulder, she looked at me so sweetly and apologized for waking me. I smiled at her and mumbled out of surprise. She squeezed my shoulder, told me not to worry, she knew I had a ticket and she apologized again for waking me. She then told me to go back to sleep.

It was the sweetest way that I’ve been waken up in a long time.

5. I 

4. Have

3. Nothing

2. To

1. Say

Every weekday, between five and six PM, I pack up my belongings and leave the office. I’m always happy to be leaving, but the warm weather makes me almost giddy. I stepped out of my building yesterday with a smile on my face, and headed for the subway station. I flew down the steps, swiped my metro card, and waited on the platform with all of the other commuters. Before I knew it, the subway car pulled up, doors opened and people whooshed in and out. 

I stood next to an attractive young blond who had the tired yet relived look on her face that we all had. Sitting in front of her was a middle aged Asian woman reading a newspaper. I myself was playing with my iPod, finally settling on Led Zeppelin. Black Dog is not something you listen to at a lower volume, so I jacked it up and all other sounds faded away as Page and Bonham did what they do best. I tend to get lose myself in the subway, but I always stay vaguely aware of my surroundings. 

At this moment I saw the blonde staring at the Asian woman. As the music blared in my head I heard nothing, but instead watched this little pantomime drama play out. The Blonde leaned down into the Asian woman and picked something out of her hair. The stunned Asian woman gave the blonde a horrified look as her personal space was violated. The blonde continued to pick the woman’s head. She then mouthed some words to the Asian, who became even more horrified and started to paw at her head. I stood in awe as these two woman smacked and batted at the older woman’s head. At last, I saw the reason. With a final bat, the blonde swatted a bug out of the Asian woman’s head. With a victorious smile, she proceeded to mouth the words “Got it!” to the Asian, who looked visibly relieved. I read her lips as she thanked the blond profusely. The blond then stood back up, a look of satisfaction on her face. She had the stance of a hero; someone who had helped a fellow human being so selflessly. One could almost call the look on her face smug.

Her smug face suddenly went white and grimaced in horror, however, when the woman sitting next to the Asian screamed at her for batting the bug from the Asian’s head directly onto her chest. The blond’s eyes were wide with panic as she was being screamed at. Her hand moved closer to the woman but stopped just short of her chest, unsure of what to do as swatting the bug would mean touching a screaming strangers boob.

I almost missed my stop to see what would happen next. 

I love NYC. 

I’ve had a tenuous relationship at best with my sister. We’ve had many fights, and I’ve been hurt by her many times before. And yet I’ve always had an open door for her. She’s my sister. No matter how badly she has treated me I’ve never wanted her to be completely alone. 

Tonight she crossed a line and has completely devastated me in the process. I’m literally going to bed now to curl up and try to work through this. 

I am devastated. 

There’s always more I should do. 

I do try, though.

Happy birthday kristynibbles!

You are one of my best buds, you are adorable, and I love you to death! Happy Birthday!

It’s a lot of work holding in my issues, my fears, and my insecurities. It was pointed out to me yesterday by a good friend that I need to vent on occasion. I’m always the guy with a smile and a laugh, but sometimes I feel like I’m having a panic attack by bottling all this stuff in. I’m sure it’s all part of some deep seated insecurity and fear of being a bother, and always wanting to be liked. I know.. weird. 

I could barely get out of bed this morning thinking about everything in the previous paragraph. Took a late train to work, and for some reason I feel panic. I’m seriously thinking of taking a xanax. (I HATE to take anything at work, even cold medicine)

As part of the ongoing cardiac testing I’m going through, I’m currently wearing a heart monitor. It’s small, but I still have electrodes on my fucking chest at the office. Said electrodes are attached to a box in my pocket that will start to shriek if my heart goes out of whack. That will embarrass the FUCK out of me, so I’m trying to do some zen shit to clear my mind and relax. Writing this missive is part of my zen relaxation / purge strategy. I’ll let you know. 

I’m a tad jealous of those of you who are motivated to hit the gym and lose weight. I have no excuse not to do it, just a lack of motivation. I was chatting with a friend this morning and I told her how good she is looking. I secretly hate her for looking so good (Just kidding, Manda. You look awesome).

That’s it.

It’s not that I’m not grateful to be able to sleep standing up, as I usually do on the Subway, it’s just that if I had my pick of horse qualities, I would have picked something more.. substantial. 

I love my Sunday morning coffee.

(Morning being any time on Sunday that I wake up)

I knew nothing of Tumblr when I first joined Twitter. After spending time on Twitter trying to find my voice, I became friendly with a group of people who not only cracked wise on Twitter, but who also shared themselves on Tumblr. I then followed their lead and created an account on a blogging service I knew nothing about. 

In the year or so that followed, I not only found my voice, but became a part of a community of wise asses, misfits and poets. It was life changing. I’ve met many of you in person, and converse with many of you on a regular basis. I’ve flown around the country to see your faces. You’ve all given me a place of comfort and trust. I myself have posted about my children and my life. I’ve written silly little pieces to illicit laughter, and I’ve poured my heart out. In short, I have a safe place where people get me and understand the joys and horrors that are part of everyday life. 

However, I’ll never be as brave as you. Many of you lay your lives bare in front of hundreds of friends and strangers every day. You share your hurt, your happiness, your inadequacies, your strengths, weaknesses, and in some cases, your bodies. I’m proud to be a part of a community whose trust for one another runs so deeply that you willingly bare your souls to one another. It is a place of safety and love. I aspire to be as brave as you all are. And I am truly appreciative to be accepted into such a group. 

Thank you for having me. 

1. It’s tricky. It’s full of unknowns. But it makes me happy. 

2. I’m being proactive about my health, but all of these tests and appointments are starting to cut into my time at the office and I’m starting to freak out about it.

3. I’m taking my sons to go see The Avengers tomorrow. I’m looking forward to hanging with them, but yeah, I really want to see the movie as well.

4. I miss people that are no longer in my life. 

5. Some of the things in this post are intentionally cryptic and ambiguous.

Last night James was confirmed as a Catholic. At one point in the ceremony, the Bishop came down and asked if any of the initiates would answer a few questions for him. After asking again, one hand shot up. I was in the back of the standing room only church, but I knew who it was. James then proceeded to stand up with the Bishop, answered his questions and bantered with the Bishop for a few minutes, and in the process, he made hundreds of people laugh with his jokes and easy manor. I’ve never been so proud. 

Then the evening turned dark. 

When it was Jame’s turn for the actual conformation, out of twenty or so initiates, he spent the longest time kneeling in front of the Bishop. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but as the Bishop said loudly “GEORGE!” (His conformation name), I saw they both started laughing. Later in the evening, when the Bishop took a group photo with all of the initiates, he asked James to kneel next to him and hold his staff. Afterwards, James came up to us, obviously very proud, and declared his excitement for holding the Bishops staff. I asked him to tone that down, and he got the joke we laughed about it. 

I know it’s all very innocent, but.. come on. Religion is just so weird sometimes.